Rocket Shoes — I Have A Black Belt In Feelings

December 14, 2011 · 12 comments

I Have a Pedialyte Drinking Problem, Toothpaste Scares Me, and So Forth.

If I were a cop, I’d just park across the street from a KFC/Taco Bell every night. I mean, it’s gotta be a 100% arrest rate when people drive out of the drive-thru, right? Anyone buying an actual bucket of chicken or a sandwich with two pieces of fried chicken used as the bread are on drugs 1,976% of ...

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November 8, 2011 · 6 comments

I Got So Sober Last Night, Dude.

Dude, I got so sober last night. Ridic. Like, shit went off. Were you even there? At Trader Joes? I can’t even remember man, I was so sober, just buying lentils and shit. At one point I think I was grabbing affordable chicken breasts marinated in balsamic and rosemary and totally eating handfuls of those ...

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November 3, 2011 · 2 comments

If People Updated Facebook With Actual Thoughts and/or Feelings

The other day I was talking to my friend Lesley on the subject of how other people are doing that we haven’t spoken to in a while. By that, I mean we were casually judging the shit out of people’s lives that we: – Don’t know that well anymore. – Never knew that well to ...

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October 27, 2011 · 2 comments

An Open Letter To People Who Dress Up For Halloween 7 to 14 Days Early.

Dear Guy/Girl in the Costume on October 20th, Hey! What’s up? Where you headed to? I only ask because you’re wearing a slutty maid costume and it’s a Thursday evening around the middle of October. What’s that? A Halloween party? Oh. That’s Weird. Because Halloween isn’t for another week. You’re not alone. I saw on ...

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