Rocket Shoes » Walking Around Making Fun of Things (probably)

My Co-Workers Are Funny (dicks…)

Drew — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 00:01:01 +0000

Wait, actually. That's kind of funny though.

Have Fun Or Die

Drew — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 21:08:59 +0000

"You can hold hands, but NO DANCE PARTIES/WAVING YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE" ...or..."If you aren't in love, you will be ejected from the love seat."

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Wait, That’s Honestly an Olympic Event?

Drew — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 17:16:43 +0000

I think I became visibily upset when I realized that no picture I post would REALLY do it justice, but wow…”walking” is an olympic sport? Really? I just wanted to make sure, because if that’s the case, i’d like to also submit a few other ideas I had:

hanging out (10k and 20k)
going to the bus stop
looking at things
picking up a stick, then putting it back down

The event is not even done justice until you watch it. It just looks like 40 people who all had a big cup of coffee and just REALLY need to go to the bathroom. I don’t know what’s more embarassing as well: telling people you were in the olympics for…walking? Or losing this event and coming in last. Because that guy is officially the worst, best walker in all the land. And the people who scored the commentating gig for this? That must have been a let down of a meeting.

Producer: Okay guys…looks like Bob is going to be the MC of all the events this year, so let’s all have a round of applause for that one (golf claps). Hmmm…we’ll put Jim and Gary on every Michael Phelps event…oh and um..Larry. We’re gonna need you to take care of the Men’s 20k Walk. Okay everyone? Let’s have fun out there!

Larry: Wait I don’t even get like, archery or softball? (leaves room quickly, grabs a pillow and locks himself in another room and screams endlessly into it)

Do you think that the “walkers” are like the kicker on the football team? That all the track and field guys don’t talk to them, and all just laugh and point when they walk by them? This is the impression that I get.

I seriously encourage you to try and catch it on TV if you can. It will not let you down if you enjoyed the film Ace Ventura.

Sidenote: Wouldn’t it be endlessly ironic and hilarious if an American won the event, because everyone hates us because we don’t walk anywhere anymore and we’re all fat? Just seems like it would be a fitting conclusion to the event.

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Sir, your head is blinking. Oh, and you look like I hate you.

Drew — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 18:39:09 +0000

So California made a judgement call, and I used to respect it. Everyone was getting into car accidents while talking on their phone, so the logical answer was to make a law that says you can’t talk on your cell phone in the car. Which was awesome. Until this spawned EVERYONE and their mother buying a bluetooth headset. And this makes me want to punch babies.

I hate bluetooth headsets. I may hate them more than I hate cilantro. And I really hate cilantro, it ruins any food that it touches, it’s like the chlamydia of foods. Anyways. Thanks California! Now everybody in the state turned into a giant d-bag with a blinking head. And the best part? I don’t think anyone ever uses them. They just have them on. Because heaven forbid you pick up your phone and actually put it to your ear. Oh, you don’t do that, bluetooth d-bag, because you don’t want cancer? I’m sure the ROBOTIC DEVICE attached to your ear is free of cancer-making-nano-echo-five-bravo waves. Good thinking.

Sure, the most guilty guy is the loser businessman…so I mean, we saw this one coming anyways. But when I see that guy taking it to the next level and now wearing his bluetooth headset while getting dinner with his wife or girlfriend? Really? Really. That’s like saying, “Hey, i’m really glad we could hang out. I’m going to also keep my phone attached to my head though because I’m hoping for another option of friendship to open up so I can openly access it right in your face, insinuating how little i’d like to hang out with you. Would you like a bottle of wine?”

Take the fucking headset off unless you are juggling knives or driving your car at extreme speeds on a freeway please. Otherwise, I’m assuming you have a hand free. Douche.

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Um, where am I?

Drew — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:40:04 +0000

I am so jealous of this shirt it is not even funny.

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Your mom is a 3g

Drew — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:35:15 +0000

Bam BAM muthabitch (sorry, richard and I were trying out the wordpress app. I want to see how big of a nerd douche I can be in ONE day..)

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