I feel like I woke up in candyland today. Honestly, Obama day was as good as advertised (and it was advertised a bit…JUST a little…). But really, you don’t even need to be political to say that today was just a phenomenal day for lovely America. Last time I checked, I’m JUST not that political, considering I love drugs (don’t worry mom, I just mean alcohol and the occasional devil’s lettuce…which is what marijuana should be called all the time because it still makes me chuckle) and I also don’t know where most countries are on a map. Wait, that has nothing to do with being political. Anyways. Point being: I feel like I woke up to a huge house party today, and it turns out it was just the entire country. I mean, I feel like meter maids were even in good moods today. And honestly? If they gave me a ticket, I’d probably just say, “Hey, you are RIGHT shithea…no no…SARAH. I SHOULD pay 75 dollars for parking here for thirteen minutes to go to the DMV. Which is not an ironic way to receive a ticket on my motor vehicle whatsoever. Can I pay you in cash right now? Let’s walk to the ATM together giggling.” Today was that good. And if Barack Obama makes everyone feel like this? Even if it’s just for one day for all the pessimists out there? Then I’m on board. Because the last time I checked, the last four (wait, EIGHT) years saw America being the married couple who had been together for 20 years eating breakfast together:

Wife/American #1: Can you pick up the kids after school today?
Husband/American #2: Honey, you know I can’t. I’m working late.
Wife/American #1: FINE Bill. So you’re saying you hate freedom? DO YOU, BILL? This is why I hate your view on everything. Because it’s stupid. I’m going to go to war now. IT’S FOR FREEDOM BILL. FREEDOM.
Husband/American #2: Wait honey what does that have to do with picking up the kids from schoo..
Wife/American #1: I’M A MAVERICK BILL. If you can’t pick up the “kids”, then you know what? YOU KNOW WHAT? Nevermind, i’m not even going to argue. I need to go, I have to go give some guy on the street corner who lost all his money because he spent it errantly 400 billion dollars. It’s cool, he asked nicely in a suit. So you know he’s good for it.

It was getting ugly, and no one was making any rational sense in their arguments anymore. Americans just really, for the most part, didn’t like at least 50% of the rest of their OWN country. And then today…it just kind of stopped. And that is downright cool, admit it. And I think it’s because even republicans are admitting deep down that Obama is just…cool. He’s silly awesome. He’s good looking. He has nice teeth. He forms complete sentences. He plays pickup basketball with random people at gyms. If this were US Weekly? HE’S JUST LIKE US! And that’s just really refreshing. So hey, US Weekly, you were onto something.

Honestly though, I kind of think of it like this: You know how in grade school, when people ran for student office they’d just one-up the other candidates with outlandish claims of what THEY’D do if nominated student body president to win? It’s like Obama got on stage, told us we’d get taco bell and candy everyday, that there would be a DJ playing IN homeroom, ki-ci and jojo would play AT our next dance AND we’d all get to date the head cheerleader IF he were elected president. And here’s the crazy thing: I don’t think he was kidding. Because today was the real deal, and I’ve never seen America this happy in my waking life. And it felt good. And I’m REALLY happy I voted him student body president right now. I feel like it’s free cone day at the ice cream store, except it’s free UNLIMITED ICE CREAM DAY at the ice cream store. It’s a pretty cool feeling. And it tastes delicious.

It’s nice to say that you are proud to be an American and not feel ironic for once. I’m not saying I’ve been unpatriotic these past years, just maybe a bit afraid to be. And that kind of made me sad. Because I SHOULD love where I live. And today I really did. But really, it’s a great country. And I like saying that. I don’t know what this man put in the water…but it’s starting to taste like booze. Because everyone honestly looks drunk with how happy they appear to be. It’s like a never-ending happy hour. So here’s to you, Mr. President. You actually did what you said you would: you brought back hope.

In other news, today at work four co-workers and I started a nike+ running competition to see who could run the most miles over the next few weeks or so. I ran zero miles. I’ve done the math a few times, but after a few recounts, I am pretty sure this means I’m losing. I’ve considered sitting in a chair with my shoes on just fake running while still making impact with the ground to make my shoes THINK i’m running miles, but this seems like I am possibly missing the point of exercise. For some reason though, the victory would feel really hilarious. I just thought this was entertaining and was a great way to end this post, as it’s the largest non-sequiter I will ever write.

YES WE CAN!

Let’s all pretend to feel bad for Levi Johnston. I mean, he’s just a random 18 year-old kid who thought, “Hey, you know what would be awesome? Having sex! I should totally start doing that.” And you know what, Levi? Not a bad idea. Here’s where you misfired though (HEY o!)…

Yes, Levi. Sleeping with girls is a fantastic idea. You know what else is? Maybe wearing a “no babies” device while doing so. And here’s the real bummer: you picked the governor’s daughter. I know, I know. I bet it was like, high fives all around when you were telling your hockey bros about this. I bet you are prettttty pissed at John McCain right now though. I mean, what are the odds that the girl’s mom you were doing was possibly going to become the new vice president? Because now? Um, I don’t think you are really getting out of this one. Oh you have hockey practice? Guess what! Now you have “take care of a baby” practice! You have the Republican National Convention! Oh also, if you leave Bristol now you are the biggest dick in the entire world and your entire state will hate you. No pressure though.

In all honesty? I feel bad for the guy. Yes…his myspace page makes him sound like the biggest douchewad on the entire earth. But you know what? He’s in high school or college. This is essentially where everyone (parents) sticks you for four years so they just don’t really have to deal with you. I mean, college is essentially just a holding bay for idiots, or mini-adults who can’t really do anything…at all yet. So when you go there? This is the kind of thing you do. You sleep with people. You make horrible decisions. Also, in a sidenote I just judged an 18 year old’s myspace page, so that’s embarrassing. Maybe later on today I can go make fun of a six year old’s dribbling skills at a soccer practice!

I guess it just goes to show you shouldn’t sleep with a government official’s kid. Maybe next time just pick the cheerleader whose mom works at the puffy paint shop or the moose-hunting store. Not the “leader of the free world” store.