Okay bikers. Let’s have a talk. Oh i’m sorry…cyclists. No, no, no…I don’t want to offend you. Anyways, so about the whole “share the road” thing.

Not quite sure I understand why we’re doing this. I mean, you have a bike lane. It fits bikes. Yet you don’t seem to want to use it ever. It’s almost there just to be an obnoxious 3 feet of road that no one is using. Cool, that seems like a good idea then. I’m all about doing things for no apparent reason, so rad.

I’ve got an idea. Could you guys weave in and out of lanes uncontrollably going 15-23 mph at all times? That’d be awesome. I mean, I can totally see why my machine made of metal and anger would be a great match for your aluminum 3-7 pounder. You know, me going 40mph and you kind of just weaving uncontrollably and not really looking. At all.

I’ve got an idea. I’ll just drive on the sidewalk every now and then. Oh no, I mean it’s totally cool! That won’t freak the pedestrians out if I just swerve out of my lane out of nowhere without really giving them a headsup!

Just stay in the bike lane. Please. I’m begging you. Stay in there. We don’t go the same speeds, and you’re going to die. And not like in a “I hate you, you should die” way, just more like a “if you swerve in to me, I am godzilla and you are a very small ant” kind of way. Great! See you out there!

(ps: I just recycled this post because I’ve had zero time to write lately. I wrote this on myspace a few years back. Yeah that’s right. I wrote a blog on myspace. Nowadays that feels like saying “I’ll see you later at the Vans Warped Tour!”)

(pps: I will start writing again once life normalizes a bit and i’m moved into my new place and high fiving life when I wake up and apply a kiel’s cream to my face that is doing nothing, yet I overpaid for it. Can’t wait to talk to you all again soon. Let’s makeout on the couch and talk about how good it is to get back together and then cry about it in the morning. Hypothetically of course. Wait, what?)