Okay bikers. Let’s have a talk. Oh i’m sorry…cyclists. No, no, no…I don’t want to offend you. Anyways, so about the whole “share the road” thing.
Not quite sure I understand why we’re doing this. I mean, you have a bike lane. It fits bikes. Yet you don’t seem to want to use it ever. It’s almost there just to be an obnoxious 3 feet of road that no one is using. Cool, that seems like a good idea then. I’m all about doing things for no apparent reason, so rad.
I’ve got an idea. Could you guys weave in and out of lanes uncontrollably going 15-23 mph at all times? That’d be awesome. I mean, I can totally see why my machine made of metal and anger would be a great match for your aluminum 3-7 pounder. You know, me going 40mph and you kind of just weaving uncontrollably and not really looking. At all.
I’ve got an idea. I’ll just drive on the sidewalk every now and then. Oh no, I mean it’s totally cool! That won’t freak the pedestrians out if I just swerve out of my lane out of nowhere without really giving them a headsup!
Just stay in the bike lane. Please. I’m begging you. Stay in there. We don’t go the same speeds, and you’re going to die. And not like in a “I hate you, you should die” way, just more like a “if you swerve in to me, I am godzilla and you are a very small ant” kind of way. Great! See you out there!
(ps: I just recycled this post because I’ve had zero time to write lately. I wrote this on myspace a few years back. Yeah that’s right. I wrote a blog on myspace. Nowadays that feels like saying “I’ll see you later at the Vans Warped Tour!”)
(pps: I will start writing again once life normalizes a bit and i’m moved into my new place and high fiving life when I wake up and apply a kiel’s cream to my face that is doing nothing, yet I overpaid for it. Can’t wait to talk to you all again soon. Let’s makeout on the couch and talk about how good it is to get back together and then cry about it in the morning. Hypothetically of course. Wait, what?)
Browse Timeline
- Next: » The Microwave/Where Is The Macrowave?
- Previous: « I’m Pretty Supportive
Comments ( 5 )
Awesome post, even if it was originally on MySpace.
P.J. Onori added these pithy words on
Feb 24 09 at
3:20 pm
don’t you DARE pps in your blog unless you give my note the proper shout-out. Thanks. OK bye!
KJ added these pithy words on
Feb 25 09 at
12:54 pm
It’s Kiehl’s.
Also: This comment would be so much cooler – and by cooler, I mean bitchier – if I weren’t leaving it at 11:50 p.m. therefore once and for all proving to the world that I have no life.
daisy added these pithy words on
Feb 26 09 at
12:53 am
Drew, I am a total cyclist-didn’t you see my old facebook picture! But this totally cracked me up. Why can’t drivers and bikers all live in peace or better yet, we should get rid of cars in general and bike and walk everywhere! yeah, go team. thanks for making me laugh as always.
Sarah added these pithy words on
Feb 26 09 at
5:01 pm
Hi Drew,
I like your site, but the nerd in me is required to tell you why cyclist ride outside of the bike lane.
(pot holes, getting hit by car doors, buses, needed to turn). You can read about it here: http://www.bikexprt.com/streetsmarts/usa/chapter2a.htm
Amber added these pithy words on
Apr 23 09 at
3:47 pm
My name is Drew. I live in San Francisco. I just want someone to invent a hoverboard. Until then, I'm gonna rant about everything and make mixtapes. You should hang out. K bye.
Facebook
Twitter
Last.fm
Flickr